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6:05 p.m. - 2013-03-15
nice compliment i think
Had a job interview today and then went in to school for an impromptu "open lab" and a chance to review our tests.

Probably because I was dressed professionally instead of in my usual night class uniform of beat-up jeans and a windbreaker, one of my classmates -- an attractive woman of about 40 -- spontaneously started shaking her head at me as I was picking up my test and told me, "M, you are SO PRETTY -- you could be a model." I laughed and said, "Thank you, but not hardly," and a couple of my other classmates spontaneously joined in. "My God, yeah, you could." Etc. I don't remembber the details because I was quite flustered.

But honestly, yeah, I must confess, I am writing this here because it totally made my day.

The truth is, a long time ago, when I was a teenager, I wanted to be a model -- I am a perfectionist in all things, and I figured that if I wasn't good-looking enough to be a model, I was ugly. That was probably a major contributing factor to my eating disorder; fortunately or unfortunately, I never stood a chance because even with not-bad features or porportions and a model (ie unhealthy) BMI, I am only 5'3-1/2" and that is not tall enough. I've gotten a few shady offers over the years, but nothing that ever paid me money. (I even did a photoshoot for a men's magazine in France, but the photographer decided I was too skinny and told me to come back when I'd gained 10 pounds.)

Anyway, even though I know I am not model material it was certainly nice, and a surprise, to have my classmates spontaneously telling me that today. Mostly, since M left me, I have felt old and ugly. Of course my friends tell me he's an idiot and his new GF looks dowdy next to me, but they're my friends. That's what friends say.

I have to go pick up the kids now; maybe I'll touch up the lip gloss before I leave and hope it actually crosses his mind that he lost something.



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