2:21 p.m. - 2013-01-02
New Year
New Day. New Year.
I have about 20 New Year's resolutions. No. 1 is "Get divorced." That's a new one. Most of the others are recycled.
A and I went to a party at her friend Christy's. A didn't drink because she's on meds and the last time she disobeyed the warning label and drank, she puked all night and thought she was going to die. (This was before I met her, thank God.) I didn't drink because I didn't want to ring in the New Year single and in jail.
It's the first New Year's party I've been to since I quit drinking, almost 5 years ago. I guess I thought it would be easier than it was. I expected to not want to drink at all. But it was deathly boring and I didn't know anybody. I thought I would be able to socialize because I always do OK socializing in a setting like that, but after an hour or so I realized that just about every social gathering I've been to in the past 13 years was mostly news people. I don't know how to talk to people who aren't news people. Apparently. It was quite awkward. (Although probably the only person who noticed I felt awkward was A., since everyone else was quite lit.)
We left at about 11 and rang in the New Year watching "The L word" and drinking tea and eating the defective stuffed mushrooms from the batch we made for the party.
The party made me realize, again, how easy I feel with A and how rare that is. No drama. No drunken scenes. No need for booze to make the conversation flow. It has been more than six months and we've never had an argument. That seems weird to me, because M and I fought a lot; I thought if you didn't fight, you didn't care. But there is something about A that makes me not even want to argue with her. I guess I want to meet her halfway on things, or even all the way, because I know she's taking the same approach. I fought with Matt mostly because he made me feel small and unimportant, and took me for granted. I didn't want to give an inch because he was always expecting me to give a mile.
I like her. Maybe this time next year, I'll be married to her.
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