9:44 p.m. - 2012-05-28
biased me
I changed my desired age range settings on the dating site J recommended to 30 and above, and it seems to have dramatically improved the offerings.
OK, so I feel guilty. I hate to discriminate, so I tend to cast a wide net -- I don't care about your race, religion, political affiliation, appearance, weight, income or if you suck your thumb, just for G's sake be passably intelligent, moderately sane and single!
But I quickly discovered I DO discriminate, so I might as well do it openly. I don't care how nice and sane you are, if you write "u r" in the place of actual English words I am not going to be able to carry on a conversation with you.
That's bias No. 1.
Bias No. 2 is, I apparently have a major bias against people my age (and younger). I have ALWAYS dated people that some would consider too old -- and 18-year-old when I was 14, a 32-year-old and a 36-year-old when I was in my early 20s. Almost all of the women I've been strongly attracted to over the years have been at least a decade older...
But I don't think this is because I'm looking for a parent figure, as any amateur shink would suggest -- I think it's actually because I don't want to BE a parent.
Fine -- I'm 33, not 20, and when you're 33 you should be allowed to date someone 10 or 20 years older without people whispering and shaking their heads.
But now I have a new problem: my life goal is to be working in Africa (etc) in 15 or 20 years, but in 15 or 20 years those folks will be practically geriatric.
Bias No. 3: Appearance. Before I started dating, I thought the desire to be with someone who is "good-looking" was a thing I outgrew along with my 20s. I THOUGHT that I genuinely didn't care. But then I found myself quickly moving on from photos of less-attactive women. I thought, let's be honest here -- appearances DO matter to me after all.
I figured it was pointless to leave a message for someone if I had no desire to touch her or hop in the sack with her.
But then it occurred to me that what attracts me most to a person is that I like, enjoy and admire her -- not that I think she's drop-dead gorgeous. The women that I've been attracted to over the years have run the gamut on attractiveness.
So now I've left several notes for women whose pictures didn't exactly bowl me away, but whose profiles looked interesting. Once I changed the question from "would I like to sleep with her" to "would I like to meet her and find out more about her," the answers suddenly changed from "no" to "yes."
Anyway, I've been exchanging notes (long notes) with three more cool women in addition to Heather. The one I like best is a lawyer from Hartford, very femme, who rides a Harley.
maybe I won't be single for the rest of my life after all...
0 comments
