8:39 a.m. - 2012-05-18
my kids hate me
This morning and yesterday morning, Marley threw and unholy tantrum about leaving her dad's in the morning (they've been staying overnight with him on Wednesday and Thursday, my school nights).
She was screaming and kicking Matt when he put her in the car, and as I leaned over to belt her in she looked like she was going to take a shot at me, too.
"I said, 'Don't you even THINK of kicking ME,' " and she put her foot back down where it belonged and yelled louder.
That, I thought, is why she doesn't want to come home. My kids have tantrums and kick their father, but they wouldn't DREAM of kicking me, because they're scared of me. My kids are scared of me, they hate me, and they don't want to come home...
Marley kept bawling, "I don't want to go to Mama's. I hate going to Mama's!"
Great. I gave up a career to take care of my kids 24-7, and who's the favorite parent? There is supposed to be some sort of payoff from being a stay-at-home parent, a stronger relationship with your kids -- and instead I've got a daughter screaming that she doesn't want to come home with me.
When we got down I sat down on the front steps and said, "Marley, come over here and talk with me, please."
She came and I asked her why she hates going to Mama's house.
She said, "I hate mama's house!"
"Why do you hate mama's house?"
"Because you DON'T have Daddy there, and you DON'T have SuperCat there, and you DON'T have an IPod!"
She says.
I wasn't totally buying this, because there are a lot of things she does have here that she doesn't have at her dad's -- i.e her own room and a back yard to play in. So I asked her if she's mad at me for something.
"I'm mad at you because you drove daddy away."
Huh?
And after all the conversations that we've had about the fact that daddy chose to leave and that I did not want him to any more than she did, but that was his choice...
Of course Matt denies saying anything like that. Matt likes like he breathes.
Great. So anyway, we take a walk and everything is hunky dory again; Marley is holding my hand and telling me how much she really loves me again...
Then 5 minutes ago, while I was writing, the kids got into a tiff in the back yard and I sent them both to the kitchen for a time out. Marley refused to sit on a chair and ran up to her room. This sort of thing does not happen very often and I have always tried to nip it in the bud. Which is what I did this time -- I told her she had the count of five to be in the kitchen on a chair or I'd take the stairs to her room down for 24 hours.
She came down but she is really pissed at me. I am going to talk to her in a second.
I am trying to be a good parent but maybe I'm just a control freak, a bully and an ogre.
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