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9:33 a.m. - 2013-04-11
not much
Pithy comments made to my (future-ex) spouse in the last 24 hours:

(Going into the lawyer's office): "Well, if doesn't work, we can always do a Las Vegas divorce."

Him: "Oh? How do we do that?"

Me: "I get the gun and you stand on the side of the road."


"You know, if I'd known that all it took to have kids was $600 bucks and a turkey baster, I never would have married you."

A. and I have decided we should start referring to him (not around my kids) as "Turkey Baster" instead of MTS (which stands for Matt the Scat).

Last night when I was doing homework at 3 a.m. on A's computer, I copied and pasted something but did it wrong (she has a Mac; I have a PC) so I pasted the last thing she had copied into my anatomy notes. It was a description of an engagement ring.

We have already basically agreed to get married as soon as I'm divorced; she doesn't wear jewelry and I've said I don't see rings as all that important, but I suppose she probably wants to do "the guy thing." I think that would be sweet but I really hate people spending money on me. Plus I have way to much shit to pay for to be able to comfortably reciprocate right now.

Mostly, though, I just hate material gifts of any kind. My reasons for this are fairly obvious: My family was very poor (we're talking no indoor toilet kind of poor) for much of my childhood and my parents could NEVER afford ANYTHING. I hated the tension birthdays and holidays caused and I never would have gotten what I wanted anyway and what I did get I didn't want -- all I ever wanted was NOTHING, and no tension and stress of my parents and guilt on my part, and for holidays and birthdays to not exist. That's what I really truly wanted, more than anything else. As gift-giving days approached I always felt sick to my stomach and semi-suicidal; I would have done just about anything to get away.

I still feel horribly guilty when people give me things and I'd much, much prefer that they didn't. It gives me an all-over sick feeling. I know it's irrational but I don't know how to change it.

Anyway. It's crunch time in A&P and I really have to cram. I start working night shifts this weekend which means I need to be much better about managing my time.

It'll work out, though. Right? Everything does.



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