10:59 a.m. - 2013-04-03
things not getting done
So many things I am not doing ... writing and studying French, Spanish, Russian and Arabic top of the list.
Not to mention not being supermom.
On the other hand, what I am doing ... getting my personal life in order. Getting school in order.
I've been meaning to go back to school since I was kicked out for my eating disorder when I was 19. At the time I had 3-1/2 years of college. I started college when I was 16. At the time I was years ahead. Now I'm years behind. Oh well, that's life. I should hear about nursing school any day. If I didn't get in, I'm going to be mighty pissed. There's no way I didn't get in. Still. It would be nice to have confirmation.
I'm 33 and I have 10 years of full-time reporting, and four years of being a stay-at-home mom, under my belt. That's not bad, I suppose. Those are two things I'm really glad I've done and I wouldn't have missed for the world.
I've spent most of my adult life moving -- an average of once a year, actually. I don't mind moving -- actually I like it -- but after the 14th or 15th time it gets old.
A's mortgage is structured so that she really can't get out of it for another four years, which means that unless our relationship implodes, I have four years of stability to look forward to. I like that.
So at the moment-- for the next couple of months maybe -- I should probably give myself a pass on the languages and the writing (well, not entirely on the writing). I need to figure out day care for the kids, move, get divorced, settle money with Matt, start doing the CNA thing (orientation on Friday) and scare up some freelance writing work. I suppose I should give myself a pass on becoming fluent in five languages.
I love waking up with A because she makes me feel like I finally got one thing in my life right. (Besides my kids, of course.) I love her and I'm in love with her, but what's just as important is that I know she's willing to do the work to make our relationship work. There are too many songs out there that say that love is all you need. Love is NOT all you need. If it was, Matt and I would still be together. We loved each other very much -- until he met someone new and fresh and exciting and who did't expect him to buy diapers and put his needs behind his kids'.
If he had been willing to try, Matt and I could have had a great, lasting marriage. I still believe that. I do not, however, believe in waiting forever for him to be willing to try. Life is too short. There are other people out there who ARE willing to try, A for one. One is all I need.
Plus, although I think I am somewhat ambidexterous when it comes to men and women, I think I prefer women. At least, there is one woman I definitely prefer above every other human on earth.
0 comments
