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1:50 p.m. - 2012-10-12
the wrong anatomy and physiology on my mind
I am fucked.



I had a week to study for this test and I didn't. I had various excuses. First, I had a week to study. Then, one of my crowns came off. There is nothing like dentistry to reduce me to a non-functional quivering ball of pulp. Study??? I couldn't fucking THINK. I could barely breathe for fear the other one would fall off too, and I'd have two gaping holes in my mouth like a Jack o'Lantern.

I got the tooth fixed and then discovered -- with 24 hours left -- that I could think of nothing but A, who I hadn't seen for a couple of days, fault of the tooth and my refusal to be seen in public. No guy has ever done that to me -- disturbed my studying. No guy has ever disturbed my intent thoughts on cleaning my baseboards, come to think of it. Or counting the number of hairs (blonde, thank you) on my right big toe. You get the picture. No guy has ever particularly disturbed me, period, except Matt by leaving me when we had two very small children and he and they had become my whole life.

Poor Matt. I suppose I should cut him some slack here. I did pretend very hard, though.

Now I have 2-1/2 hours till A comes to take my neglected children and I go flunk my test.

So far in this class my average is a 99. This is not an easy class and I suppose I should think of this as a running start, not something I am going to keep up. I know it is not the end of the world if I get a C or something on this test. I can probably still pull an A in the class if I get my shit together henceforth.

I just didn't plan for this.

I didn't plan that I'd get down to study and realize the only Anatomy and Physiology I want to be studying is A's.

And it's still all I can think of. As soon as this test is over I can rush to her house and ... read books to my kids! and help Mar with her homework! And make up to them for ignoring them and supposedly studying all day! and, oh yeah, PUT THEM TO BED!!!

Yes ... put them to bed... and...



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