3:40 p.m. - 2012-09-17
And before anyone reading this -- if anyone does -- says, "Hold on a second, you barely know the chick," let me add that I wouldn't even consider doing it for another nine months, which is when Mar will finish her school year. I have already thought about this way too much, considering I "barely know the chick," so I had already decided that, and that I would keep my house (which is a rental) through the summer so I had an escape plan if needed.
I guess A has thought about it as much as I have. She just happens to have a house with two extra, empty bedrooms and a fenced-in back yard, and I just happen to have two kids. This has made me very cautious because I'm a firm believer in the saying, "If it looks too good to be true, it probably is." But who knows -- maybe every now and then you just get lucky. Is that impossible?
A had already decided (after a couple of bad experiences) that her next girlfriend was NOT going to be live-in, but she said she changed her mind when she came home from work one Sunday and I was already there, mowing her lawn. It wasn't a surprise that I was there -- I'd spent the night with her and was planning to stay till she got back from work -- but she said she was surpised by how happy it made her that I was actually there.
I feel the same way; I like it when she's around and I miss her when she's not. I don't NEED to live with anyone, and I like my house, but I wish she was there every morning when I wake up, instead of just sometimes. I like having someone to tell when I go outside and it smells like fall for the first time. I like it when she's there to enjoy my kids with me.
Now I am afraid something bad is going to happen because the whole idea makes me too happy. It makes me nervous because the worst logical thing I can think of it that one or the other of us changes her mind -- and that's not really a big deal since I'm also perfectly happy with the status quo. Matt being dead opposed to the idea and filing for custody because he doesn't want his kids living with a couple of lesbians? That would be awful but it would also be bizarre, because Matt's not homophobic, and he doesn't want primary custody, and we'd only be half an hour away. So I don't know why I'm feeling nervous. Maybe I am just scared of being happy.