1:56 p.m. - 2012-09-10
bored to sleep
Two online Anatomy & Physiology tests down, one to go ... for right now ...
I hate online tests but I love the fact that when you submit one, you instantly get your score. I should say, I love this as long as my score is 100. There's no reason it shouldn't be given that these are open-book, open-internet tests, but they are actually rather hard. There are a lot of questions not covered in the book, lecture or anything I can find on the Internet. You actually have to figure things out -- I'm a little rusty at that; it's a long time since I took a class that required that one THINK.
This is the last class that will count on my nursing school application transcript in December -- and it the only class I am taking this semester -- so I am gunning for a very high A.
I say that, and then I have to admit that I have not been doing nearly enough studying, or at least not enough serious, 100-percent involved studying. I keep downloading the audiofiles of the lectures and falling asleep listening to them. Today I forced myself to stay awake and take notes on proteoglycans and corticosteroids -- their molecular structure -- wondering the whole time, Do I really need to know this? How the fuck and I supposed to remember this when I don't give a fuck and haven't been given any good reason that I should?
I mean, if someone were to tell me that knowing the molecular structure of proteoglycans is important in understanding heart function, or something, I might be more motivated to learn it. But when I'm listening to 120 minutes of endless drone about the components of this and that compound ... my brain checks out.
Totally.
I told A. that I can be a terrible workaholic because I'm very competitive, and once I decided to go back to school I also decided to graduate at the top of my class or bust.
"Do you know that I don't care if you graduate at the top of your class?" she said.
"Yes."
Silence.
"But I care."
"I know."
I like that chick. She is very mature and self-sufficient and competent and capable without having to win or die, like me and like, well, Matt. I like that she doesn't care because at least one of us won't think I'm a worthless loser if I graduate No. 2 (which of course is probably going to happen; I'm sure I'm not the only person in my class who intends on being No. 1).
I need to get my act together. I can learn this shit if I just apply myself and take notes when I listen to the audiofiles instead of daydreaming about A. and falling asleep. I can and should ace this class.
If only I could find a way to be interested in something So. Deathly. Boring.
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