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1:56 p.m. - 2012-09-10
bored to sleep
Two online Anatomy & Physiology tests down, one to go ... for right now ...

I hate online tests but I love the fact that when you submit one, you instantly get your score. I should say, I love this as long as my score is 100. There's no reason it shouldn't be given that these are open-book, open-internet tests, but they are actually rather hard. There are a lot of questions not covered in the book, lecture or anything I can find on the Internet. You actually have to figure things out -- I'm a little rusty at that; it's a long time since I took a class that required that one THINK.

This is the last class that will count on my nursing school application transcript in December -- and it the only class I am taking this semester -- so I am gunning for a very high A.

I say that, and then I have to admit that I have not been doing nearly enough studying, or at least not enough serious, 100-percent involved studying. I keep downloading the audiofiles of the lectures and falling asleep listening to them. Today I forced myself to stay awake and take notes on proteoglycans and corticosteroids -- their molecular structure -- wondering the whole time, Do I really need to know this? How the fuck and I supposed to remember this when I don't give a fuck and haven't been given any good reason that I should?

I mean, if someone were to tell me that knowing the molecular structure of proteoglycans is important in understanding heart function, or something, I might be more motivated to learn it. But when I'm listening to 120 minutes of endless drone about the components of this and that compound ... my brain checks out.


I told A. that I can be a terrible workaholic because I'm very competitive, and once I decided to go back to school I also decided to graduate at the top of my class or bust.

"Do you know that I don't care if you graduate at the top of your class?" she said.



"But I care."

"I know."

I like that chick. She is very mature and self-sufficient and competent and capable without having to win or die, like me and like, well, Matt. I like that she doesn't care because at least one of us won't think I'm a worthless loser if I graduate No. 2 (which of course is probably going to happen; I'm sure I'm not the only person in my class who intends on being No. 1).

I need to get my act together. I can learn this shit if I just apply myself and take notes when I listen to the audiofiles instead of daydreaming about A. and falling asleep. I can and should ace this class.

If only I could find a way to be interested in something So. Deathly. Boring.



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