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10:11 p.m. - 2012-07-28
vermont day trip
I have not really talked, or exchanged any substantive e-mails, with my friend S. in Vermont for a while.

In the past I might have taken this personally, and not done much else but take it personally, but one of my vows in coming out of my Matt-induced depression was to be a really good friend to the people I'd walled myself off from, and who forgave me -- S. is probably no. 1 on that list.

So I e-mailed her that I was coming to Vermont to see her, without kids -- not my mom, not anyone else, just her, and when did she want me? She said Saturday, so I went.

We did the local garden tour, with her sister, which was OK -- I like gardens and took mental notes, rather timely since A and I have been unearthing her gardens from weeds and neglect -- and then we dropped her sister off and talked for oh, six hours or so ...

... like before I had kids, or at least kids who were a) present and b) mobile and talking ...

Mostly she was talking to me about her life, sort of the cliche' "floodgates opening," which was nice. I felt much, much more connected to her when I left, like something that had been off-kilter had been righted. Or maybe she had been off-kilter and was less so. She wanted me to stay but I wanted to go back so I can get up bright and early Sunday and tackle the next off-kilter issue in my life, my kids and our end-of-summer we-are-all-sick-of-having-a-stay-at-home-mom itchiness. I am going to try to figure out activities for us to do every day next week ...

I really need more kid-free time in order to be a better mom when I am with my kids. I think I knew that when I decided to go see S. sans enfants. I needed that trip for ME, even if I went to listen more than to talk.



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