4:54 a.m. - 2012-07-08
After I thought about it for a couple of days, I decided my freakout had to do with the following:
1) When she stays over I have a really hard time falling asleep and then I'm tired and have no energy for my kids and I feel very guilty.
2) When she stays over I don't watch french tv or do russian homework and I get very anxious about that, like a gym rat deprived of the gym
3) I don't want to feel guilty for getting up at 3 am to study or write, or for making sure I have enough sleep and energy for being a good mom.
4) I don't want feel responsible for her happiness, or that she'll be devastated if things don't work out. We haven't known each other long enough for either of us to be that important to the other.
I think I managed to tell her all of this without it sounding rejecting. She took it pretty well. I realized that what bothers me isn't that she doesn't share my crazy passion for learning and exploring and achieving and creating stuff, but that I don't want her to feel hurt or offended by mine.
I think she gets it.
Which is good because I like her. i like her animals too.