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2:36 a.m. - 2012-06-30
We watched the beginning of "Better than Chocolate" but we never saw the end.

I deleted my online dating profile.

She is very sweet to me.

I think Marley is in love with her.

She doesn't speak any foreign language, gave up on Spanish after a semester in high school. She hates being dirty. Neither of these things is highly compatible with living in foreign countries. This make me a little nervous. I don't want another relationship where I have to choose between the person I love and doing what I love.

She told me how her mom died. A. had left home at 17 because they didn't get along and joined the army, and not much later got a medical discharge for asthma. She went back to Alaska to stay with her mom and her alcoholic new stepfather. Her mom and the stepfather went out one night and A. was supposed to go with them but decided to watch TV instead.

She figures the stepfather was probably drunk because he was always drunk. He hit a bus; a's mom was ejected from the car and the bus ran her over. The stepfather survived.

She talks about this very quietly but unemotionally. I suppose I was too if I was talking to someone I didn't yet know very well.

After her mom died she really didn't have any family.

She has only been in one long-term relationship before, about 18 months with the chick for whom she moved from Alaska to Connecticut. This worries me a bit; why not? She said she was starting to think she would be single forever. She wants the same thing I want, ie stable, boring monogamy.

She really really likes me -- what she knows of me, anyway. I like her too but M has made me cautious and cynical. I suppose the biggest thing i worry about is that she'll try to tie down my nomadic spirit and make me another one of her caged birds. I would be miserable and I would make her miserable. I told her that was one of the biggest things that made me miserable with Matt. I told her that I'm not going down that road again. Next time I'd chase the dream and give up the relationship if I had to choose, because not chasing the dream destroyed the relationship anyway.

So she is forewarned.

I like her.



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