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5:59 p.m. - 2012-06-25
are you fucking kidding

There, that said...

May I add...


I hate that class.

I hate it when the prof shows us pink and powder-blue slides illustrating mitosis, and adds her own red and black lines and squiggles, and then seconds later tells us to take a slide of an onion root tip and count 100 cells and determine how many are in each stage of mitosis.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Even if I could count 100 10-nanometer onion root tip cells without getting a migraine, how the hell do you keep track of where you start and where you left off when you look away to write down your running tally. "They're in rows," she says. They are? ROWS? (Peer into microscope again.) Ha! If onion root tip cells are supposed to be in rows, then my onion root tip has fucking cancer.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Onion root tip cells look like little yellow boxes with little black dots in them. Occasionally there's a little yellow box with an afro of sorts. I am lost. "I have no idea what stage mitosis this is," I say.

She peers in my microscope at the yellow boxes with dots in them and gestures toward the pink and green circular objects on the projector screen at the front of the room and says,

"Well, which one of those drawings does it LOOK like?"

Are you fucking kidding?

I want some of what you're smoking, honey.

But of course I should not be fucking writing about this, I should be fucking studying. I just had to take a break because it struck me that we are all quite insane, a sort of group insanity, because we will all be writing tomorrow in our exams that those square yellow onion cells with little dots in them look exactly the same as pink-and-mint-green drawings of circles with lots of X's inside of them.

The other day every single person in my class licked a strip of paper with "urea" on it as part of a genetics exercise -- to see whether we'd inherited the gene that allows us to taste a major component in human urine.

I had the feeling that this was actually a sociology lab and we were part of an experiment to determine how many students will lick a piece of paper that's been dipped in pee if an authority figure tells them to.

(About 98 percent by my estimate ... I just put mine on my desk and said I couldn't taste it. I'll lick pencils in the name of science -- and I did -- but I draw the line at urea.)



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