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7:54 p.m. - 2012-05-12
milk, honey and women
J called this morning and said she wanted to stop by, and brought milk and honey and chamomile and a naturopathic recipe to cure pinkeye from her sister, who's a nurse ... mix equal parts warm milk and honey and drip it in your eyes, and then put chamomile tea bags on them.

As whacked out as this might seem to some people I was willing to try; I know honey cures quite a lot of things so why not eyes? I've had pinkeye for over a week and I hate going to the dr. and getting drugs so I was willing to try.

And guess what, it worked!!! By 5 pm both of my eyes felt fine. Amazing.

I thought the gesture alone was really sweet, but it made me a whole lot happier that I can finally walk around without sunglasses on, especially since I had to go pick up the kids from the inlaws' this evening (just got back).

Don't worry, Stepfordtart, I don't trust her -- I don't trust much of anybody these days -- but I do like her a lot.

I do wish she would dump Matt the Scat and date me, but I'm keeping my options open. I've been corresponding with a woman on the dating site J suggested -- J is right, there are a lot of weirdos on that site but this woman seems fairly sane, and normal, and intellegent. She has three kids and was with her lesbian partner/spouse for 15 years before the partner walked out on her a year ago -- her name is Heather and I guess we've gotten to the point of wanting to meet face to face.

I listed my status on the site as "single" and have felt very guilty about that, because even though he left me, and even though he has a girlfriend (though hopefully not for long!!!) and we've been separated for two years, I am, legally, still married. I figured that if I put "married" it would give the impression that I was on the site in order to cheat on my spouse, and I am not interested in finding people who want to be with someone they know damn well is married. (I consider marriage to be sacred, mine and other people's. I also consider mine to be over, at this point, since Matt has told me repeatedly that it is.)

So last night I wrote to Heather that before me meet in person, she needs to know that I am still married (and an explanation of the circumstances). I kind of expected that to kybosh any chance of actually meeting -- I was hoping that it wouldn't, but I was prepared that it might. Tonight after we finally got home and I carried the kids from the car up to bed, I jumped on the Internet hoping for a verdict -- which there was. She understands; she and Liz aren't divorced yet either. She says they're in negotiations...

So I guess I am having a good day, women-wise.

I e-mailed J a few minutes ago thanking her for the eye stuff and telling her it worked, and asking her to help me spend a little bit of the freelance check I just got frivolously on Mother's Day or next weekend, to see a movie or something...

I have really fucked up on Mother's day this year. I haven't send anything; I had planned to make cards on the computer with Mar for my mom, my MIL and S (not a mother's day card for S, but a we-love-you! card) but I had forgotten that the kids were going to be in Maine all week. Shit! We will have to do that tomorrow, after we pick Matt the Scat up from the airport... maybe I won't have time for a movie anyway...

I am scared to death that if I ever got in a situation where I was On a Date With a Woman (someplace I've never been before!) I will just freeze like a deer in the headlights and not know what to say or do or how to act. I'm not very good with women, not in grade school and not now. What do women talk about, anyway? Every time I've spent time with J that hasn't been a problem, but then again we have plenty to talk about :). With a woman who's not dating my husband? mmmm ... dunno.

Driving back with the kids, after they fell asleep, I was also thinking about the butch/femme thing and if you have to be a little more of one than the other, which would I be? With Matt, despite the fact that he's the guy, I'm the one who operated the barbecue grill, fixed the stopped-up drains and drove the cars up the steep, curving driveway on icy days. I'm the one who always shoveled them out, too. But I also did the cooking, cleaning, ironing and childcare. Yep, I did everything, partly because he's a lazy slob and partly because I get a lot of satisfaction out of "doing it myself," whatever "it" may be. On the other hand I am quite small, and I like my hair really long, and I have a thing for miniskirts, and I am not bad at the ultra-feminine thing either. I guess we'll see. J and Heather are both the feminine type, although J, at least, is no slouch when it comes to painting things and fixing things either.

It sure has been nice with Matt in Germany. Too bad he's coming back.



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