4:56 p.m. - 2012-03-18
bummed
So M's girlfriend came over and we had wild lesbian sex all afternoon ...
Nope.
M's girlfriend came over and our daughters more or less refused to play together, nagged at both of us for attention ... we just chit-chatted and then Lily said she wanted to go home and they left.
And I had the inexplicable urge to kick something. Damn, I blew that! Now I'm sure she thinks I'm boring and she'll never come back ...
She emailed me, "Hey, we had a nice time. Sorry if i seemed so nervous, I'm working in it!! Was nice to talk some more."
Does "I'm working on it" mean she plans to continue working on it?
That's not really why I'm upset ... I'm upset because of the familiar way she talks about Matt ... just a few sentences, but it still made my hair stand on end. I think she should dump him and date me; although I said in an earlier entry I would be happy to just be friends I am not sure I can be happy being around someone who is dating my husband.
I still love him, that is the problem. I still think of him as mine. Life goes on, but the love part of my life hasn't; it's like something I amputated and left behind. It's like a phantom limb; it's still there and it is still raw and angry and hates being touched.
I wish I had a someone and I feel like a loser. I am, in this threesome, the loser, and I hate it.
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