1:38 p.m. - 2012-03-05
please dump my husband and date ME!!
I wish I had one of those little emoticons ... I would write something like, "M is feeling happy" and post an emoticon with a diabolical cheshire cat grin.
So Matt knows that his wife and girlfriend got together on Sunday, but that's about all he knows. He knows she and I both know he hacked into my email and deleted her messages before -- he knows this because she confronted him and I changed my password -- but I haven't said anything to him at all. About the e-mail, about meeting her ... about talking to her... comparing notes
Sunday night he sort of hovered when he came to drop the kid off. He didn't say anything, and I think he was waiting for me to say something. My days of being an open book with him are O-V-E-R. All I did was ask him if the door was stuck and he needed help opening it.
J said she is only going to tell him that we talked about the kids. She said she is not going to confront him about the child porn; she's going to watch him very closely and "observe." I think that means "snoop."
So Matt doen't know whether or not we talked about the child porn, or compared the stories he's been telling us line by line and lie by lie, but I bet he suspects. He had a lot of good reasons to not want us to meet each other.
Oh boy oh boy I hope he's squirming out of his pants; I bet he is and as far as I am concerned he can keep squirming for time and all eternity. I am not going to put him out of his misery. For all those nights that he "worked late" and came home smelling funny; for the nights I stayed up until sunrise wondering if he was fucking the Her of the Week right now or just lying like a baby in her arms ... wondering, feeling all torn up and stretched taut enough to snap but never snapping ... hour after hour and night after night ..
Let him wonder. He has a lot to be concerned about. If only he could suffer a fraction of the misery he's dished out...
For the last 24 hours I've been thinking about J nonstop, worrying that she won't keep that play date. I have to admit that I find it intriguing and attirrant that she is a part-time lesbian. Here I am thinking it's virtually impossible for a heretofor straight woman to meet a straight-looking lesbian while staying home with preschoolers 24-7, and then one practically falls into my lap. Well, maybe not exactly into my lap; it was more like my husband's bed but close enough.
Over the last 24 hours I've realized that the answer to the question "am I attracted to her and would I have a relationship with her if she was interested?" the answer is, YES, YES, and YES, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING? YES!!
Now the only question is, would she? Will she? Part of me immediately says "no"; I'm not good enough for anyone to want to have a relationsihp with me (thank you, Matt), and part of me says things are looking maybe, possibly pretty hopeful.
This is the closest I've ever been to a real, live, straight-looking, very feminine lesbian I've ever been in my life, and I'm scared to death that if I move or breathe she'll flit away and out of reach like some sort of exotic butterfly.
DUMP HIM. DUMP HIM. DUMP HIM. DUMP HIM. That's brain waves headed her way. She couldn't possibly choose him over me, could she? He's a lying narcissistic inconsiderate workaholic psychopathic piece of shit; why would anyone choose him over anybody? Plus he's got a flabby stomach. I do not have a flabby stomach. hee-hee.
I'm also really happy today because I have great friends. Always have had. Lucky me.
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